the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
