Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
