Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
