she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
