I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
