My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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