I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im having a threesome with these popsicles
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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