So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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