Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
