guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
