there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
