i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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