I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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