the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
