i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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