i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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