we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
