What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
