A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
