How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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