What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
