I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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