Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
