i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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