Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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