the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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