oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's the barista slut.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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