made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He better not be in your backpack
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
