I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
