Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
