she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
