you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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