He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
