My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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