I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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