You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
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I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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