Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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