I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
