you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have aggressive nipples.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
