In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
