We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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