i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
