My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
