Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
