one might say we're banned from that church
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
