apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
