I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
