he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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