So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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