i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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