Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
