please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
