If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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