Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
