Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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