apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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