she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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