we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
