you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
