seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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