im gay
i know
yea but for you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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