i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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