I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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