U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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