Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?