If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary