got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.