let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions