totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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