my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
