about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
